Scene 1 from Intimate Relay

by onomé ekeh

Dramatis Personae
(In Order of Appearance)

Lucretia, our heroine
Miss Eleggua a.k.a. “Legsy”, a young girl and our sometime referee
Viktor & Rolf, the dandies next door
Edgar & Violet a couple
Britannicus & Octavia, twins in the garden
Baron Samedi
Great Aunt Brigitte
A Baby

SCENES:
“A No-Man’s Land”; Viktor & Rolf’s Living Room; Violet & Edgar’S Living Room; A Garden

I.I
LUCRETIA stands immobile center stage. Wearing a very elaborately (even baroquely) bustled and collared black velvet Edwardian get up (replete with a top hat, veil tossed carelessly to the side) she is arched and twisted so that for a while we can only see her in profile. She lets us take her in and finally she turns—

LUCRETIA:
It usually comes in a white envelope.
The information is passed in whispers from one party to another until it is left for the last person to relay the contents of the envelope.
The object of the game is not to repeat the contents of the white envelope verbatim, rather the challenge is to transform the information—using metaphors from your own life.
So we end with a tale that is different from the first. However, the moral stays the same. This is how it is played—Intimate Relay,

LEGSY a young girl prances on stage rolling a large hoop. She wears a white frock and an impish grin. LUCRETIA is not amused by LEGSY’S presence at all, LEGSY skips around LUCRETIA with her hoop, making LUCRETIA antsy—

LEGSY:
It seems to me the game can’t start without a vital piece of information—

LUCRETIA:
Of that, I am well aware—

LEGSY:
So in fact the game can’t start without me—

LUCRETIA:
Very well, out with it then—

LEGSY, to LUCRETIA’S great dismay and discomfort extracts a white envelope from LUCRETIA’S bosom. LUCRETIA tries to snatch it back unsuccessfully, she is forced to stand in the background as LEGSY opens up the white envelope and reads—

LEGSY:
Adventures In Crossbreeding.
A group of scientists have a stallion copulate with a zebra. Nothing happens, a small matter of obstinate XY chromosomes and a difference in genetic structure. The stallion is sent home where he mates with a mare. A few months later the mare gives birth to a striped foal—
An urban myth no doubt, nevertheless— let the games begin!

She tosses the envelope back at LUCRETIA, who attempts to catch it—but it mysteriously turns into a bird and flutters off. LEGSY curtsies and takes off in the other direction with her hoop. LUCRETIA regains her composure—

LUCRETIA:
I suppose it is time to meet our players.

1.2
She traipses over to the extreme left of the stage. Lights come up on Viktor and Rolf, two elaborately groomed dandies seated in their living room, having tea. There is something extremely balletic about their movements; the entire teatime ritual is a complex of flourishes and juggling acts. In between pouring tea and passing teacups they manage to adjust cravats, timepieces, part hair, smooth gloves with wonderfully elastic timing. Together (within their habitat) they constitute an elegant and seamless machinery.

LUCRETIA:
Meet Viktor and Rolf. A unit unto themselves—
She extracts some crockery from their tea tray; confusing the duo—making them juggle and swoop the apparently flying objects from the air. We realize LUCRETIA is invisible to them. Lights dim on VIKTOR and ROLF— but not completely, we can still watch them if we want.

1.3
LUCRETIA moves on to the upper part of center stage into VIOLET and EDGAR’s living room. VIOLET and EDGAR sit on separate ends of a sofa, not speaking. LUCRETIA sweeps in, VIOLET cocks her head a bit—

LUCRETIA:
Meet Violet and Edgar, another unit.
Very exciting isn’t it Violet? Who was it that said—
Geteilte Freude ist doppelt Freude?
Double pleasure? Let’s see about that—

VIOLET:
(Turning to EDGAR) Excuse me?

EDGAR:
What?

VIOLET:
I thought you said something—

EDGAR:
I didn’t say anything

LUCRETIA:
It wouldn’t be like you, would it now?

EDGAR:
What was that?

VIOLET:
What?

EDGAR:
Fine—

VIOLET:
Do you have something on your mind?

He is about to respond but then the phone begins to ring. Two short rings and then stops. Dread registers on their faces, EDGAR and VIOLET freeze.

LUCRETIA:
We will leave the married couple for now—
The lights dim on VIOLET and EDGAR, but like VIKTOR and ROLF—not completely, we can make out their machinations in the half light.

1.4
She steps down to the extreme right. Lights come on two young children seated on a bench in the garden. BRITANNICUS and OCTAVIA wear horned and primal looking masks and seem to be playing some sort of computer game. They too seem oblivious to LUCRETIA’S presence, however—

LUCRETIA:
And now for the jewels in the garden, or should I say the combination gems? Meet Britannicus and Octavia—my pride and joy—

OCTAVIA:
(Pulling her mask back over her head)
Hello Aunt Lucretia.

LUCRETIA:
Hello my darling. And what about you Britannicus, does your auntie get a kiss?

BRITANNICUS:
Remember the game you gave us the other time?

LUCRETIA:
Yes sweetie, is that what you’re playing?

BRITANNICUS:
I reprogrammed it.

LUCRETIA:
I beg your pardon?

OCTAVIA:
It’s a whole different game now!

BRITANNICUS:
Combat!

LUCRETIA:
And what do you know of the art of war, little ones?

OCTAVIA:
We’ll show you Aunt Lucretia—

Computer game noises. Lights come up on VIOLET and EDGAR; they are in vicious kung-fu fighting mode, moving as though computer generated. OCTAVIA controls VIOLET’S movements, while BRITANNICUS mans EDGAR’s—

OCTAVIA:
Pig dog! I will make you squirm like a worm! Then I will squish you into dust—

BRITANNICUS:
Dishonorable and worthless enemy, your arrogance is pathetic! Observe true mastery as I destroy you—

OCTAVIA:
Fool! I will teach you to speak dribble in the presence of humans—

LUCRETIA:
(Clapping her hands with delight) It’s wonderful! You brilliant darling children! Remarkable!

Lights go down on EDGAR and VIOLET.

OCTAVIA:
You like it Aunt Lucretia?

LUCRETIA:
Love it, love it—

At this, OCTAVIA and BRITANNICUS pull on their masks and communicate in some arcane private language, which involves a good deal of whispering, chirping and some headknocking—which seems to indicate the presence of telepathy—

OCTAVIA:
Then will you take us somewhere Aunt Lucretia?

LUCRETIA:
Where would you like to go poppet?

OCTAVIA:
I dunno, somewhere, anywhere— We’re always here.LUCRETIA:
Do you not like it here?

BRITANNICUS:
It gets old.

LUCRETIA:
Soon my brilliant kinder, soon. I must be off now, give your auntie a kiss—
The two children dutifully kiss LUCRETIA. The lights dim on the garden.

1.5
LUCRETIA pays a visit to VIOLET and EDGAR. The couple, exhausted from fighting, is slumped on the sofa. VIOLET is crying—

VIOLET:
We can’t keep doing this —

EDGAR is silent. He lights a cigarette and takes a puff. As an afterthought he passes it to VIOLET, she accepts it. He lights another one for himself—

VIOLET:
What happened to us? Were we always this way?

EDGAR is about to reply, but he is distracted—LUCRETIA pries his cigarette from his fingers and smokes it. He looks at his empty fingers—

EDGAR:
That’s weird—

VIOLET:
What?

EDGAR:
I— Oh never mind—

He lights another cigarette and takes a long drag—

VIOLET:
Can we talk about this Edgar? Do you want to talk about this?

EDGAR:
Sure, I just—

LUCRETIA interrupts again. This time she kneels beside him, almost whispering into his ear and magically steals the cigarette from him. Like she were extracting a kiss. EDGAR is stunned.

VIOLET:
You just don’t really want to talk about this—

EDGAR:
Of course I do! It’s just that—

VIOLET:
Just what?

EDGAR:
Violet, you’re badgering me. There’s a time and a place for everything—

VIOLET:
Alright Edgar. What time and place is this then?

LUCRETIA, content with her level of mischief, leaves them.

1.6
The lights dim and she walks through VIKTOR and ROLF’S living room, making a few objects fly. The elegant boys juggle all the flying flotsam back into place.

BLACK.

2.1
LUCRETIA stands immobile center stage as if deep in thought, she is distracted when a hoop circumnavigates her and LEGSY with it. LEGSY once again extracts a white envelope from LUCRETIA’S person, she opens it up and reads:

LEGSY:
From “An Unknown Correspondence”:
You pierced my heart
My heart was stunned
My breath a shiver
My thoughts a haze
My heart was blazing
The heat,
a knife—
My heart is torn

LUCRETIA, clearly unsettled, attempts to snatch the poem from her. No sooner than it reaches her hands it turns into glittering nothingness, LEGSY and hoop rolling away—

2.2
LUCRETIA makes her way to the garden where the children sans masks are busy with their computer game—

LUCRETIA:
Hello my sweet things!

OCTAVIA:
Britannicus upgraded the program—

LUCRETIA:
He did what?

OCTAVIA:
Now we can pick our own poison!

LUCRETIA:
Octavia!

BRITANNICUS:
What she means is that we can change the terms of combat—it doesn’t always have to be kung fu or jujitsu—

LUCRETIA:
Very well, let’s see what you have—

Lights come up on VIOLET and EDGAR. This time she is pinned to the wall while EDGAR throws knives. The way BRITANNICUS and OCTAVIA play it, she has to exact lightning moves for EDGAR to create complex patterns with the knives—

LUCRETIA:
Bravo! What a wonderful idea! You children are so clever, guess what your auntie brought for you today?

BRITANNICUS:
Travel vouchers?

LUCRETIA:
Oh Britannicus, so clever yet so disagreeable—

OCTAVIA:
When do you think we’ll be ready to go somewhere?

LUCRETIA:
All in good time liebchen, all in good time. I brought you some butterscotch, your favorite Britannicus—

BRITANNICUS:
I’ve outgrown that—

LUCRETIA:
Nonsense poppet! You never grow, I should know— Give your aunt a hug, I must be off–

OCTAVIA:
Can I come?

LUCRETIA:
Oh sweetheart, I’ll be back before you notice—

The children put on their masks and confer by knocking heads and making strange chirping noises. LUCRETIA takes her leave and wanders into EDGAR and VIOLET’S living room.

2.3
VIOLET stands in the corner crying. EDGAR is at the other end, watching her helplessly.

EDGAR:
Darling I’m sorry, I didn’t mean a word of it— I can’t explain what came over me—

VIOLET only sobs more intensely.

EDGAR:
Violet, please—

He walks over to hold her but is intercepted by LUCRETIA. He is just a hand span away from touching her. The phone begins to ring, two short rings and it stops. VIOLET turns around slowly, some sort of realization has come upon her. She stares at EDGAR coldly, LUCRETIA still between them, EDGAR retreats. The lights dim.